Behavior makes sense in its context
Every behavior happens somewhere, at some time, with certain people, after something has just occurred. When we ignore that context, behavior can look random or even deliberate. When we pay attention to it, behavior usually starts to make sense.
A girl who tears up her worksheet is not necessarily being defiant. She may be overwhelmed, embarrassed, tired or unsure how to ask for help. A boy who runs away from the dinner table may not be rude. The table may be loud, the food unfamiliar, and the wait too long. The behavior is real and it matters, but it is the visible part of a larger story.
Consider how often adults describe a child with a single word: lazy, shy, bossy, difficult. Those words feel like conclusions, but they are usually shortcuts. A girl called shy might be a careful observer who warms up slowly. A boy called difficult might be a child whose needs have not yet been understood. Replacing the label with a description of what happens, when and with whom, makes it possible to act.
Our work begins with that larger story. We ask what the child is dealing with, what the adults are hoping for, and what is already working. Only then do we talk about what might change.
Looking at the purpose of behavior
One of the most useful ideas in the study of behavior is that actions tend to continue when they work for the person. This is called the function of a behavior. It does not mean the child is plotting. It means that a behavior has become a reliable way to get something, avoid something or feel something.
Function is also not fixed. The same behavior can serve one purpose on Monday and another on Friday, and a behavior that began for one reason may continue for another. That is why we hold our ideas lightly, test them against what we see and revise them when the evidence changes.
Understanding function matters because two children can show the same behavior for opposite reasons. One child shouts to get a parent's attention. Another shouts to end a task that feels too hard. If an adult responds the same way to both, one child may be helped and the other may be left struggling.
Getting something
Some behavior helps a child reach attention, a favorite item, an activity or a bit of control. A boy who keeps interrupting a phone call may be saying that he needs time with a parent, and that interrupting is the quickest way he knows to ask.
Avoiding or escaping something
Other behavior helps a child avoid a task, a place, a sound or a demand that feels uncomfortable. A girl who suddenly needs the bathroom during reading time might be signaling that reading feels hard, not that she is trying to be difficult.
Feeling better
Some behavior simply feels good or relieves tension, like rocking, humming or pacing. These actions are not always problems. Sometimes the right step is to make room for them instead of trying to stop them.
Looking before and after
A helpful way to study behavior is to look at what comes just before it and what comes just after it. Practitioners often call these the antecedent and the consequence, which are simply fancy words for the setup and the response.
The setup might be a transition, a request, a change in plans, a crowded room or a long wait. The response might be an adult giving in, a task being removed, a sibling reacting or a quiet moment of attention. Over time, children learn what tends to follow what, and they act accordingly.
Consider a general example. A boy hits his sister when she touches his building blocks. Before it, he had been working quietly for twenty minutes. After it, the sister runs to a parent, the blocks are left alone and the parent separates them. The hitting protected the blocks. A helpful plan might protect the building space, teach him words to say stop, and help his sister find her own activity, rather than focusing only on the hit.
This view gives families a lot of power. We cannot always change the child directly, but we can often change the setup and the response. Making a hard moment more predictable, offering a choice, or teaching a better way to ask can change what happens next without anyone being punished.
- What was happening just before?
- What did the child do?
- What happened right afterward?
- What does the child gain or avoid when this happens?
- What skill could meet the same need in a gentler way?
Behavior as communication
Children, especially younger ones and those who are still building language, often communicate through actions. A tantrum may mean "I am hungry and I do not have the words." A refusal may mean "I do not understand what you want." A meltdown at pickup may mean "I held it together all day and now I cannot."
When we treat behavior as communication, the question changes from "How do we stop this?" to "What is this telling us, and how can we help the child say it another way?" That shift is gentle and practical. It leads to teaching new skills, such as asking for a break, requesting help or telling someone that a sound is too loud.
Teens communicate through behavior as well, though in different ways. A girl who slams her door and refuses to talk may be asking for privacy, respect or time to cool down. When adults offer a calm way back into the conversation, many teens take it. When they respond with more pressure, the door stays closed.
It also helps adults feel less personally attacked. A parent who sees a message in a child's behavior is more likely to respond with curiosity than with frustration.
Teaching skills, not only reducing behavior
A plan that only tries to reduce a behavior leaves a gap. If a child has been using a behavior to meet a need, taking away the behavior without offering another path leaves the need unmet, and the child will find another way. A strong plan always asks what the child can do instead.
Skills might include waiting, asking for help, trading, accepting a change in plans, using words to disagree, calming the body or joining a group activity. These are skills many adults are still practicing, so children need time, models and encouragement.
Skills also include things adults rarely stop to teach, such as how to lose a game, how to wait while someone else is talking, how to say no politely and how to take a break without leaving the room. A child who has never been shown these skills cannot be blamed for not having them.
We aim to make the new skill easier and more rewarding than the old behavior. That means adults notice and respond when the child tries the new way, even if it is clumsy at first.
Small steps
Skills are broken into small steps so a child can succeed early and often. A boy who cannot yet sit through a whole meal might start with five minutes and a clear signal for when he may leave.
Practice when things are calm
New skills are rarely learned in the middle of a hard moment. Practice happens when everyone is relaxed, in short and friendly sessions, so the skill is ready when it is needed.
Routines and predictability
Children feel safer when the day has a shape. Predictable routines tell a child what is coming, what is expected and what to do next. When a routine is missing or keeps changing, children may protest, wander or melt down, not because they want to cause trouble but because they cannot tell what will happen.
Many of the most helpful changes in a household involve routines. A visual schedule for the morning, a clear sequence for bedtime, a consistent signal that a screen is about to end: these are small adjustments with large effects on how a day feels.
Transitions deserve special mention. Moving from play to dinner, from home to the car, from one class to the next, requires a child to stop one thing and start another, and that is harder than it looks. Warnings, timers, songs and a clear next step can make transitions smoother. A girl who dreads leaving the playground may manage better when she gets a five-minute heads-up and knows what comes next.
Routines do not need to be rigid or perfect. They need to be understandable and realistic for the people who live them. We help families design routines that match their real lives, including shift work, shared custody, multiple children and the unexpected.
The guide on everyday routines and behavior at home offers more general ideas for mornings, meals, homework and bedtime.
Building communication into the day
Clear communication is half of any plan. Adults often give instructions that are long, vague or phrased as questions: "Do you want to get ready now?" A child may reasonably answer no. Short, specific and calm instructions are easier to follow: "Shoes on, then we leave."
We also look at how children can communicate back. A child needs a safe way to say "no," "I need help," "I need a break" or "I am upset." When a child has those words or signals and knows they will be honored, there is less need for louder behavior.
Adults can also check whether the message was understood. Asking a child to say back what they heard, or to show what they are about to do, turns a one-way instruction into a short conversation. It also reveals when a child has not understood, which is often the real reason an instruction was not followed.
Communication is not only verbal. Pictures, gestures, written lists and timers all help. Families choose what suits their child and their home. In multilingual households, we also ask which language suits which message, and we use it.
- Use short, specific instructions
- Give choices only when a choice is truly available
- Say what to do instead of only what not to do
- Teach and honor a signal for a break
- Keep the same words across caregivers when possible
Dignity and respect in every plan
A plan should leave a child feeling more capable, not less. We avoid approaches that shame, embarrass, compare or humiliate. We also avoid language that labels a child as the problem. Children hear how adults talk about them, and those words shape how they see themselves.
Dignity shows up in small choices. We ask a child, when appropriate, what they would like to be called, what they enjoy, and how they would like to be reminded of something. We avoid talking about a child in front of them as though they were not there. A boy who hears himself described only through his struggles will begin to believe the description.
Respect also applies to adults. Caregivers are experts on their own child and their own home. They are not students being graded. We explain our thinking, invite disagreement and adjust when something does not fit.
Dignity includes privacy. Details about a child or family are shared only with people the family agrees should know, and a first message to the practice does not need to contain more than the family wishes to say.
Family values, culture and language
No two households are the same. Families hold different ideas about independence, obedience, respect, food, sleep, play, religion and how emotions are shown. Broward County is a place where many cultures and languages share the same schools and neighborhoods, and good support has to honor that variety.
Some families are raising children in a language that differs from the one they grew up with, or in a country that differs from the one where they were raised. They may be balancing the expectations of grandparents with those of teachers. We treat this balancing act as skilled work and help families decide what to keep, what to adapt and what to leave behind.
We do not assume that one style of parenting is correct. We ask what matters to the family and then look for ways to meet goals without asking anyone to give up their values. Sometimes the family's values are the strongest resource in the plan.
Language matters too. Support can be given in English, in Spanish or in a mix of both, and plans are described in words that families will actually use at home.
Extended family
Grandparents, aunts, uncles and older cousins often play a big role in a child's day. When the family wishes, they can be part of the conversation so that everyone responds in a similar way.
Different expectations at home and at school
A child may be asked to be quiet at home and to speak up at school, or the reverse. Naming these differences openly helps adults prepare the child and each other.
Working together across home and school
Children spend their days in at least two worlds, and each has its own rules, language and people. When these worlds do not talk to each other, children can feel pulled in different directions, and adults can end up blaming each other for what is really a communication gap.
With the family's agreement, we help bridge that gap. That can mean sharing a few agreed words, matching a calming routine, or giving a teacher a better sense of what works at home. It can also mean helping parents understand what a teacher is trying to accomplish in a busy classroom.
Consider a general example. A girl is described by her teacher as withdrawn and by her parents as talkative. Rather than deciding who is right, we ask what is different. Perhaps the classroom is large and loud, perhaps she is unsure of the new language of instruction, or perhaps she has not yet found a friend. Seen together, the two descriptions become useful clues.
We respect each person's role. Teachers know the classroom, parents know the child, and we offer a shared way of describing what is happening. For more, see school and educator consultation and the guide to working with your child's school.
Data in plain language
The word data can sound cold. In our work, it simply means paying attention in a more organized way. It might be a few notes about when a hard moment happened, what came before and what helped. It might be a simple tally on the refrigerator or a short log kept for two weeks.
Memory is unreliable when we are stressed. Parents often remember the worst day and forget the three better ones. A small amount of careful noting gives everyone a more balanced picture, and it helps us see whether a change is helping, whether it needs adjusting or whether it should be dropped.
Data is also a way of noticing success. A parent who writes down that bedtime took forty minutes on Monday and twenty-five on Thursday can see change that felt invisible. Even a modest improvement is worth recognizing, and children benefit when adults are able to say specifically what has gotten easier.
We ask for only as much recording as a family can manage, and we explain what each piece of information is for. If tracking becomes a burden, we simplify it. Numbers are never used to judge a family. They are there to help us ask better questions.
- Notes can be short, handwritten or on a phone
- Only what is useful is tracked
- Information is reviewed together, in everyday words
- The plan changes when the information says it should
How recommendations are explained
A recommendation is only helpful if you understand it. When we suggest a change, we try to say what it is, why we think it may help, how to try it and what to do if it does not seem to work. We use everyday examples and avoid unexplained terms.
We also check the plan against the household. If a step requires two adults and only one is home on weeknights, we redesign it. If a step needs supplies the family does not have, we find a simpler version. A recommendation that ignores the household it is meant for is not yet a recommendation.
Written plans are kept short and readable. They describe the situation, the goal in the family's own words, the steps and who does what. A plan that sits in a drawer helps no one, so we write plans that a tired parent can scan in two minutes.
You are always welcome to ask questions, ask for another explanation or decide that a suggestion does not suit you. Declining a suggestion does not close the door on the rest of the work.
Honest expectations about progress
Behavior change is rarely a straight line. Some weeks are easier and some are harder. Illness, travel, growth spurts, holidays and school changes can all disrupt a routine that was working well. That is normal, and it is not a failure.
We do not promise how a child will respond or how long change will take, and you should be cautious about anyone who does. What we can promise is careful attention, clear explanations and willingness to adjust the plan as we learn more.
It also helps to remember that adults change too. A parent who is learning to pause before reacting, or a teacher who is trying a new transition routine, is practicing a skill just as the child is. Patience with the child and patience with ourselves go together.
When progress is slow, we look at the plan before we look at the child. Was the step too big? Was the routine realistic? Did everyone have the same information? These questions usually point to something practical.
What we do not do
It helps to say plainly what is outside our approach. We do not blame parents. We do not use shame, humiliation or comparison. We do not claim that one plan fits every child. We do not offer emergency services, and we are not a government agency or program.
We do not replace a school's own evaluations or provide legal advocacy, and we do not promise that any insurance plan, Medicaid or other payment route will cover a service. Eligibility is confirmed with the practice before services begin.
We also do not offer one-size-fits-all programs. Two children with similar-looking behavior may need very different supports, and we would rather take time to understand the difference than apply a standard package. A general approach is a starting point, not a script.
If someone is in immediate danger, call 911. For a mental health crisis, call or text 988. If a situation feels urgent, please contact emergency services or crisis support first and reach out to us later.
Where to go from here
If this way of thinking sounds like a fit, the next step is a conversation. You can learn more about our work on the about page, browse the services overview or read the guide to understanding behavior analysis.
When you are ready to talk, the contact and intake page explains how to reach us and what happens next. There is no obligation to continue after a first conversation, and you are welcome to bring questions.
Common questions
What does function of behavior mean?
The function of a behavior is the purpose it serves for the person, such as getting attention, getting an item, avoiding a task or feeling more comfortable. It does not mean a child is acting on purpose to cause trouble. Understanding function helps adults respond in ways that meet the underlying need and teach a gentler way of asking, which usually works better than reacting to the behavior alone.
Do you use punishment?
Our approach centers on understanding why behavior happens and teaching skills that work better. We avoid shame, humiliation and approaches that make a child feel worse about themselves. Adults still set clear expectations and limits, and families decide what fits their values. Plans focus on setting up the day for success and noticing effort, rather than relying on harsh responses.
Will I have to track everything my child does?
No. We ask for only as much recording as your family can manage and explain what each piece is for. Often a few short notes or a simple tally for a couple of weeks are enough. If tracking becomes stressful, we simplify it. The purpose is to give everyone a more accurate picture, never to judge your family.
How do you take our family's culture into account?
We ask about your values, traditions, language and expectations at the start and again as the work continues. Plans are shaped around what matters to you rather than a single idea of correct parenting. Support can be offered in English or Spanish, and extended family can join conversations when you wish. Your culture is treated as a strength and a source of useful ideas.
Do you work with my child's teacher?
With your agreement, yes. Home and school often see different sides of a child, and a shared approach can reduce confusion. School and educator consultation can include observation, meetings and help with shared language and routines. We respect the roles of teachers and families, and we do not replace school evaluations or provide legal advocacy.
How quickly will things change?
We cannot promise a timeline, and it is wise to be cautious about anyone who does. Change depends on the child, the setting, the routines and many other factors, and it often moves unevenly. What we can offer is careful attention, clear explanations and a willingness to adjust the plan when something is not working, so you are never left guessing.
Is this page medical or clinical advice?
No. This page describes our general way of thinking about behavior and is educational only. It does not create a professional relationship, and it does not replace a conversation about your own child. Individual recommendations come only after we have spoken with you and learned about your circumstances. In an emergency, call 911, and for a mental health crisis, call or text 988.